Review: Spider-man 3

You wanna know what made this Spider-man film the funniest film? It also happened to be the worst film. It ALSO happened to be one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. It was so bad I was just contemplating writing one sentence for my review: Spider-man 3 was SO bad I can’t even dignify myself to writing a review.

But I will write this review. It’ll just be painful.

I loved SM 1 and 2 (I liked 1 better but whatever, the second was a pretty solid flick). This was one of the first movies that I was predetermined to love this summer that really did just bomb for me. I don’t even know where to begin. This movie was a mindboggling shitstorm of bad acting, HORRID screenwriting, and so many other things that I can’t materialize into words. This movie was so bad. I can’t stop saying it. After I saw the film I couldn’t believe what had just happened. It was Fantastic Four bad. It was even Batman and Robin bad.

Things to look for to laugh at:
-Emo Spidey: absolutely ridiculous montage of scenes of Emo Spidey trying to come off as cool. The people in the movie buy it, but he just comes off as a tool.
-EVERYONE CRYING: Hilarious.
-The Osborn Estate Butler: I laughed so hard during his “I loved Norman” scene. This movie was so bad.
-HAL FISHMAN: Every time this guy was on screen I burst out laughing.
-Harry Osborn’s face: Ridiculous. So much of this movie was unnecessary.

There is so much about the movie that just didn’t make any sense. I think that Sam Raimi is tired of making these films. I think he didn’t want to do Venom, was told by Avi Arad that the fans would be thrilled and then decided to make the shittiest movie he could make. There are few explanations. You gotta wonder if they did this on purpose. Sam Raimi is too talented. THIS MOVIE MADE NO SENSE.

Okay. Here are some good things about the movie (yes, that’s right, it has some redeeming qualities other than the fact that I never have to see it again).
-Bryce Dallas Howard as Gwen Stacy. Mmmmmmmmmm. I love my Bryce.
-HAL FISHMAN
-The effects of Sandman. Sandman could’ve been a good villain if there had been just one villain, and had he been written 100 times better. Sandman is really a kind of scary badguy, but they made him a pussy. Sandman should be mercilessly killing people (like Doc Ock). But no, he has to share his feelings.
-“IT WAS SOOO GOOOD” – Harry Osborn (he kinda actually has a character in this film)
-HAL FISHMAN
-Bruce Campbell was the best part of the movie
-That’s it.

Well. Maybe no one will go see it next weekend. There is absolutely no reason to see this more than once, or EVEN ONCE FOR THAT MATTER. I’m sorry, I’m just very upset about this movie. Here’s my grade:

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4 Comments

Filed under Review, spiderman

4 responses to “Review: Spider-man 3

  1. Anonymous

    But the pie was SOOOO GOOOOOD! Also. Best CGI/Compositing ever seen in a movie. But it didn’t make up for what a raging shitfest of a film this was.

  2. Anonymous

    The pie, it is sooooo good!

  3. Cdiddy

    You kno.. I was thoreauly (get it Josh how we had to read thats jerks stuff in highschool, but i digress) dissapointed with that movie.

    The nail in the coffin for me:
    In the last action sequence of the movie Spidey comes to save the day, takes a break on a rooftop, and is falnked in the background by a gian American flag…a WTF?!? moment indeed

  4. john

    Holy crap!! Other people are finally commanting on your post Josh. The movie had to many subplots. Also the entire Peter as a jackass was slow and painful to watch. It was simple crap. Atlest Bruce Camball is the motherfucking man.

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